Here we go, Brussels - a sweet much awaited reward after a university burnout and job search blues

The end of a pain

The freedom of walking in the streets and not being recognized.

The freedom to go home whenever I wanted to.

The freedom of going anywhere alone without people weirdly staring at you because you are alone (something that was seen quite weirdly in my town).

I had to take some last exams and then start with the last nightmare of my Italian life: the end of my master's thesis.

It proved to be a terrible disappointment.

After experiencing a quite toxic environment full of stupid competitiveness, I had to go through this last step. Beware: being ambitious is totally fine. What I am against is making feel stupid whoever doesn't have great results: I've learned that in a lot of cases, it means that you simply still have to find the right path for you.

I went to Bocconi University in Milan and I must say that it did give me extra gear, but at what price? I am honestly skeptical about what I gave to this university and what I got back. The bitterest piece was exactly the thesis.

I had a professor from the Graduate Institute of Geneva as a supervisor. I have the founded suspicion that she's never read my work. She took weeks before giving me the green light for every part. Because of her absurd way of working, I ended up risking missing the deadline to upload the file just because she didn't give a f**k about her job. A total shame.

But it ended.

On the positive side, I took advantage of the psychological support service of the University and I'm not ashamed of saying it out loud.

I felt like I had lost five years of my life. I felt awfully guilty for the money I thought I had made my parents waste on these studies. Basically, I felt like a total loser, a total failure. However, I was not an addict, I was not a criminal, I did everything on time and even if I was not an excellent student, nevertheless I was not the worst ever either. But, I couldn't see any light in all of this - until when I had this session with a psychologist who completely overturned my dark assessment.

What did she tell me?

That I had to look at these years as an experience that made me understand that Law was not for me. She forced herself to study it and was a successful lawyer for 20+ years before realizing that it wasn't what she liked. At the age of 52. Whereas I was 25. She made me feel lucky for having realized it so earlier in comparison with what she went through.

I will be forever grateful for what she told me. I came out of that room crying the hell out of me, but at least I had a different - positive and constructive - point of view. I will forever consider her a savior.

Let the job hunt start

I graduated on 28 March 2018. The end of a nightmare and the start of the unknown.

In February 2018, when I uploaded my thesis and there was not much more to do for the university I started suspecting something. Out of the blue, I thought that maybe it would be wise to learn some French. Hence, I started using Duolingo because I had no motivation and didn't know if it was a good thing or a waste of time. It was just a matter of gut.

After Persian and a bit of Russian, I only studied German for three years in middle school (2004-2007). It was the "school way", which means nothing, besides some grammar basics which helped me a lot with Dutch.

At the same time, I started applying for jobs. Mainly in Milan, some in Rome.

The only thing I was telling myself was "I just do not want to do something I hate anymore". In the end, I fell again into the trap, but my tolerance threshold had hugely decreased so… you'll see :)

I had terrible anxiety.

I was having interviews one after the other but without any offer.

I felt I was showing that I was scared and insecure and ready to accept anything just to start working. For sure I was also very bad at "selling" myself. I was hopeless.

The most interesting jobs I would look for in Italy were in the field of Public Relations, Lobbying, or Risk Analysis or so. But in a lot of cases, it would mean moving to Rome, and honestly, Rome is a city I stand less and less every time I go there.

I am sure that every time I was told "Ms Maggi, are you aware you're supposed to move to Rome for work?" I answered affirmatively with the same face as someone accepting a prison sentence.

With the weeks passing by, my focus on being financially independent as soon as possible got stronger and stronger. I didn't care anymore about what I was going to do, of course, I didn't want to end up in a law firm, but I was just applying for the sake of finding anything.

At some point, I started considering the offers outside Italy too.

I swear I had never thought about moving abroad before that, even after the experience in Moscow. However, I didn't want to lose any time, and my obsession for independence became irresistible. So, I started checking job postings abroad too.

Brussels was a great place for lobbying and international institutions.

After applying as a communication intern in a lobby, I got a contract in a matter of less than 20 days from the day of my application. Everything had gone smoothly. At that time, summing up all the money I would get, my salary amounted to 940 euros. In 2018 in Brussels, this was enough to pay your rent and cover the basic living costs (e.g. not the flight tickets, the "posh" French classes of the Alliance Française, etc).

In Milan, the only salary I could know was 600 euros + meal vouchers, because of course I never dared to ask and no employer would post it transparently, except that one I knew. Already back in 2018, that salary would have barely been enough to rent a room in Milan, because rooms in Brussels were considerably cheaper.

My contract got renewed for six more months with improved conditions: I reached around 1100 euros as a salary. Nothing fancy, but still compare it to Italy…

Welcome to Brussels

I landed in Brussels on 30 June 2018.

Being substantially independent from the financial point of view was such a beautiful feeling that I still get tears in my eyes thinking about the happiness of those first weeks.

Weirdly enough, I still feel a very similar happiness every time I come back to Brussels after a month in Italy.

For at least a couple of months, I remember I used to go to sleep smiling. That happiness was so irresistible that it was as if the muscles of my cheeks were "blocked". I would fall asleep smiling, get up smiling, go to the office smiling, and take the metro smiling… it felt like pure heaven.

Do you think I forgot Moscow and Iran by going to Brussels? :)

Well, the first places I visited were a Russian and Iranian shop. Given my still recent experience in Russia, the visit to the Russian one felt particularly emotional. I just wanted to get an opportunity to speak in Russian and I still remember that I wanted to talk a bit to the cashier and she told me that I had a Bulgarian accent haha!

Along with that, I started French classes, going to the Alliance Française because… well, if it's prestigious it must be good no?

If there is one single thing I learned in these years is the power of marketing and misconceptions regarding language institutes…

And also: "Accept any job offer", they said... Stay tuned for the next episode ;)