Is working with a teacher like going to a psychologist? Story of a failure

That's a metaphor that I dared tell someone when almost two years ago I received an email where a potential student said he was "assessing" different teachers and comparing the conditions etc

Author

Chiara Maggi
March 16, 2023

I didn't necessarily appreciate the tone of that text, but I find it legit to get informed and choose consciously. Something told me to just ignore the email, in my experience if someone is too "unmotivated" it means they're going to be a bit too complicated because I'm quite cold-blooded when it comes to making decisions:

Either it's what I need and I embrace all the difficulties or I don't act.

If:
- living in Italy for 7 years,
- feeling frustrated because you didn't want to remain and you didn't consider learning the language
- but still going on and probably hating the country more and more because you don't get what you want
- and without the language, you profit from fewer opportunities...

if all of this is still not enough to motivate you, then what?

Then I said: "Mmm, let's rather not ignore it, but in my answer, I want to make clear that I know what I'm doing, and if he follows what I say things are going to happen."

So, here is how I opened it, quite daring:

"I understand that you are not motivated, but learning a language is a bit like going to a psychologist: you have to accept making the first step, because the teacher can guide and support you, but cannot forcibly put the information inside your head against your will.

So, I strongly encourage you to reflect on the reasons why you have/need/want to learn Italian, to focus on the positive outcomes that this could lead to, and to write them down on a piece of paper. If you don't find any, probably it's not the right moment to start."

We started working, but there was always a lot of "emotional burden" to bear on my side: complaints about feeling blocked, scared, stupid... and homework that doesn't get done the way I say (if you want to hurt and frustrate me, do this: ignore my advice).

I tried to offer help at different times in different ways over this year.

I was not convincing enough to prompt him to follow my guidance.

What else could I do?

I tried my best to be accommodating and encouraging, since he said very little but very well, with such a clear pronunciation that 90% of my students would envy.

It was a lost chance, but I have so many other people who give me much positive energy, and this time I let him go because he said he may need someone to speak with in real life and not online. OK.

This was my "farewell", I can't be too sweet:

"You’re stuck in a loop: not speaking > reviewing (useless because the notions you need to speak come from “another circuit”) > without practice you don’t get confidence > you go on being afraid of speaking.

A teacher gives you like a hammer to break this loop, but then you have to use it, be it offline or online, just be aware of this".

What about you, are you going to take action and use that hammer?

If you want to break that loop sweetly, consider joining my next accountability program :) CLICK HERE